It baffles me time and time again why women will marry up.
And when I say ‘up’, I’m not talking about finances – because any sensible human being should be looking to improve his or her fortune. I refer to the delicate subject of age. For young women can’t stay away from older men.
The senior seducers have always been in demand – even though they almost certainly guarantee lacklustre results. Take today’s example: Amber Heard, the 30-year-old actress who fell for 52-year-old Johnny Depp. It was all fun and games, until the pair announced their separation after 15 months of marriage.
You might say that any number of problems could have caused the breakup, but I had doubts from the start. And the skepticism I held was not the type of typical skepticism you reserve for all Hollywood unions – instead, the result of my unreserved, unapologetic and very politically incorrect beliefs about age and relationships.
Heard and Depp have a 22-year age difference between them, which has always shown on the red carpet. And I know 52 isn’t old, but Depp is looking very Grungey Gramps these days – while Heard is beautiful and fresh-faced. When news of their romance first aired, I was alarmed to see that one of the most beautiful women in the world had essentially gone to the bargain bin of Hollywood men. She could have had her pick of anyone – male or female (Heard is bisexual), but only Jack Sparrow would do.
Anyway, I know, you can’t help who you fall in love with (*throws up into bin*), but sometimes these things deserve logical consideration. Particularly because in youth we are most energetic, and have better reserves to cut things off – and time to find someone new. But instead you see repeated instances of media women falling prey to the wrinklies -unfortunate when if you consider how many girls around the world look not only to starlets for fashion ideas, but life advice too. They might think that dating an older man is cool and sexy.
But it isn’t, and we women need to be more aspirational about our dating choices. We get a terribly rough deal in the relationship world when it comes to age. From the onset of our teenage years, we are told to go for older chaps because they are “mature” – or another terribly dull thing that provides little compensation for the fact a perspective partner will – most likely – nod off before you (and I’m not just talking about sleep).
As if this isn’t unsatisfactory enough, as women get older, intuition and the Daily Mail frequently remind us just how unsexy we become. It doesn’t matter if you’re rich or industrial, try to get a snog anywhere and you become the nation’s favourite cougar.
If no one’s going to date you when you’re older, you may as well date down. And I’m imparting this advice to any woman of my age – which is close to Heard’s – because we might want to make the most of these wrinkle-free years to have some wrinkle-free fun (well, sort of). If you court a younger man, you inevitably circumvent the problems that come with the older types – namely that they’ll die earlier. Add to that the enjoyment of a young body that can do young things, like making lots of cups of tea for you. The only real time we women can really have a young man is in our youth (unless we’re Joan Collins), so we might as well use this time to eat all the metaphorical candy.
I hope that newly single Heard, back on the dating market, will take another look at the Hollywood menu of prospects: this time, only the deluxe will do.